Lost Weekend, Found by a Book

This weekend was difficult, so difficult I didn’t know what to write.  My weight has been hovering between three and five pounds up, and this weekend, it really got me down… really, really down… hide-my-head-in-the-sand-forever down.  I was uninspired, couldn’t come up with a “bright” side, couldn’t find or think of anything positive to post.  Since many of my friends read this blog, I am hesitant to post anything too negative.  So, I didn’t post.

Interestingly enough, it was Barnes & Noble that helped me raise my head to the sunshine again.  My BF and I made a visit on a balmy evening, and there on a table near the front was “The Day I Ate Whatever I Wanted: And Other Small Acts of Liberation” by Elizabeth Berg.  The title chapter is first, and it’s great.  The main character decides she’s going to eat whatever she wants for a day, and she takes us on that journey.  After breakfast at a donut shop, lunch of a juicy burger, salty fries and a creamy shake at another cafe, and dessert at yet another eatery, she says:

“By now I was feeling the shame but also defiance.  Like here, I’m carrying the banner for all of you who cut off a little piece wanting a big one, who spend a good third of your waking hours feeling bad about your desires…”

“A good third of your waking hours feeling bad about your desires…” So, so, so true!  I am fighting what I want A-L-L D-A-Y L-O-N-G.  It is exhausting!  Reining those urges and impulses takes a tremendously tiring effort.  And, it’s so frequently disappointing.  If I could lay back at the end of the day and enjoy 30 minutes of genuine self-congratulation and satisfaction, it might be worth it.  Instead, I lament the tiny failures, the lapses in control.

There’s more to this gem of an essay, and nearly all of it suits me to a tee.  I highly recommend picking it up.  I am looking forward to the “other small acts liberation” in upcoming chapters.  It’s nice to have a “safe” outlet for those undesirable desires of mine… nice to be able to read about people who are not staying in their boxes, doing the right thing.  I don’t want to throw my lifestyle change out the window (usually), but I would like to be a bit freer.  Maybe this inspirational book will help.  Actually, it already has.