Sassy Sexy Shapely

The other day, I attended a foreclosure symposium for work.  One panelist noted that, for any approach to be successful, it had to include sustainable solutions.

In times of crisis, it’s tempting to react in extreme ways, to take drastic measures to correct a situation we feel has gone awry.  This definitely applies to weight loss.  We see a bad picture of ourselves and decide we’ve got to drop our calories to 1,000 a day and exercise for 90 minutes, six days a week.  It works for a couple of weeks, but we find ourselves starving and cranky, worn out and possibly injured, unable to sustain that plan, which leads us to drop it all together… giving up entirely on trying to lose weight and get healthy.

Weight loss and physical fitness need to be built into our lifestyles.  They’ve got to be something we can do for six months, a year, three years, five years and more.  They are not to be undertaken rashly.  At least, not if we want the weight loss to last. 

In a weird way, this is freeing.  We are free from the pressure to become weekend warriors and push ourselves to dramatically cut calories.  We are free to develop plans that we can manage within the parameters of our hectic, challenging lives. 

In the long run, sustainable solutions are the only way to achieve our health and weight loss goals.

 Today is my birthday.  As many of us do when a birthday arrives, I’ve been thinking about where I am in my life, at this age.  Excitingly enough, my life is the best it’s ever been.

• I’m the smallest/lightest I’ve ever been as an adult, wearing a size 4/6.
• I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in, getting in four to six days of cardio and two sessions of weight training consistently every week.

Even though it makes sense to list these things first because of the blog’s subject, it still seems like I’m giving them too much importance.  But, the fact is, they are important.  For me, losing weight and exercising has not been about vanity, although appearance has played a role.  These accomplishments are the result of me taking charge of my health and wellbeing… watching the physical deterioration of people I loved and deciding to do everything I could to keep that from happening to me.  They represent years - literally, years - of persistence and commitment through really tough personal challenges.  They represent starting over again, time and after time, because I was unwilling to give up in spite of how hard it was… and how hard it continues to be.  This says a lot about how I feel about myself and my ability to stick to it, whatever “it’ may be. 

• I have wonderful boyfriend to share my life with.

Wow!  This truly is incredible.  As my marriage went south, I began to doubt that a quality relationship was in the cards for me.  The divorce and subsequent dating misadventures reinforced the doubt.  And, yet, here I am, a year and a half into an amazing experience that’s blossoming into a genuine partnership.  We had some ups and downs at the beginning, but we overcame those to start again with an appreciation for what we both bring to the table.  We continue to get better as we go along.  It’s beyond cool.

• I have a terrific job that is intense, exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time.

My new gig has taken me in an unexpected direction and is a daily learning experience.  Plus, I am finally back to the salary level I was before I relocated here, actually a little bit more.  Not to mention the excellent retirement benefits.  Woohoo!

• I remain blessed with a fabulous family and fantastic friends.
• I am the proud of owner of The Best Cat on the Planet.
• I live in a spacious condo which I’ve been able to fill with my own original artwork. Even better, it’s on the second floor, so I get at least an additional set of stairs in every day! 

Happy Birthday to me, and a giant “thank you” for all the blessings I enjoy every day!

Newsweek’s Q&A with author Stephanie Klein about her recently published book called “Moose: A Memoir of Fat Camp” covers the details of how Klein, an overweight child, spent three summers at fat camp trying to shed her excess pounds and the nasty nickname “Moose”.

One particular question and response in the article really resonated with me.

You’ve said you’re fed up with what you call “fatnalysis.” Why?
People can analyze it to death. People can say you’re fat because you’re filling a void, or you eat for all these emotional reasons. I said I don’t need to focus on this anymore. It doesn’t matter why I’m fat. Let’s fix it. I don’t think fixing it involves searching into my past and analyzing every last reason why I like cheese. It’s much more important for me to focus on my daily habits and what can I do to possibly change certain habits and give myself tools to get through whatever I have to get through. Especially as a child, you don’t need to hear about it all the time. Focus on developing talents.

We spend so much time trying to figure out why we overeat that we frequently get stuck there. It ends up being all analysis and no action. Klein is right; in the end, it doesn’t matter why we’re fat. We just need to do something about it. We know how to do it; we just need to develop the habit of doing it, using whatever coping mechanisms (healthy ones, that is!) that work for us along the way.

The other day, I decided to do further research on the raw diet by perusing the cookbooks available at my local Barnes & Noble.  It was an interesting experience.  The photos in “Raw Food/Real World” are stunning, and Matthew Kenney and Sarma Melngailis seem like the uber couple: beautiful to look at, super successful, super healthy.  I really enjoyed thumbing through their book, but I was overwhelmed.

In fact, I was overwhelmed by all the cookbooks I looked at.  The idea of sprouting something for several hours and then dehydrating for several more seemed completely undoable.  I was strangely disappointed in myself for being overwhelmed.  The descriptions of the energizing life force that comes from raw food were compelling, and it was discouraging to think that I don’t have enough gumption to spend the time needed to take advantage of such wonderfulness.

One of the keys to weight loss success is finding a plan that fits your life.  If you don’t like the food, if there’s too much prep involved to fit your schedule, etc., you’re not going to stick with it, and sticking with it is the only way to reach your goal.  I have been living this principle for 5 1/2 years, and yet I still want to be the uber girl myself: creating fabulously complex food that’s fabulously healthy, radiating vitality everywhere I go.

Oh well.  I’m doing all right, and as Kristen of Kristen’s Raw commented to me a while back, I am incorporating raw foods where it works for my lifestyle.  That’s okay for now.  In the meantime, I’ll continue my research into raw living and see if I can find some simpler ways to add more raw stuff to my diet.

In My Experiment: Asking for a Better Deal, Alpha Consumer Kimberly Palmer wonders, “If just asking a question could put money in your pocket, would you do it?”

Kimberly finds out that just asking for it really does work. She says, “Sometimes paying less and saving more come down to simply asking for what you want.”

It’s the same way with food. “Sometimes cutting calories and eating healthier food come down to simply asking for what you want.” Just ask. No matter where you are: at a friend’s house, a fast-food joint, a fancy restaurant, ask for what you want. You’ll be surprised how many times you get it.

I first experimented with this when my then-husband and I went on a low-carb plan. At the time, I frequently ate lunch with my co-workers at the company cafeteria. The caf had once-a-week specials like taco salad and mac-n-cheese. I started by asking for my taco salad without the taco and with extra veggies. I received some ribbing from my co-workers, but I got my taco salad my way. From then on, I always asked for what I wanted, and I continue to do so with at least a 90% success rate.

FRIENDS. When friends invite you for a meal, you, of course, want to be as gracious and appreciative as possible of whatever they prepare for you. If, by chance, they ask you what you’d like, though, tell them. Don’t hold back; they’ve asked because they truly want to know. It’s also okay to request simple substitutions. If you don’t want the wine you’re offered, thank them and then ask for a bottle of water or a cup of tea instead. And, don’t hesitate to refuse something if you’d rather not have it. When a plate is passed to you, feel free to say, “That looks delicious but no thanks.”

FAST FOOD JOINTS. Yes, you can ask for what you want at a fast food place, even if it’s not Burger King! First, narrow your selection to match your requirements as closely as possible. Don’t order a cheeseburger without cheese when a plain burger is readily available. Do ask for extra onions or tomatoes or to hold the mayo. Do ask if you can substitute a salad for the fries. The answer may be no, but you can occasionally make substitutions. Granted, customer service at these places varies widely, so you may end up not getting what you ordered. But, it’s worth the effort to ask, and in most cases, you can pick or scrape off what you don’t want anyway.

SIT-DOWN RESTAURANTS. This is where asking can really impact what you’re eating. If the menu doesn’t list them, ask the server what low-calorie options they have available or what they’d recommend for someone who’s watching her fat or carbohydrate content. Refuse the bread basket or ask for celery sticks with a variety of dressings on the side instead. Ask your server how you’re food is going to be prepared, and don’t hesitate to request “no butter”. Request grilled veggies instead of a baked potato as your side dish. Your dinner companions might needle you a bit, like my co-workers did, but if you’re friendly and pleasant when asking, your server will usually be more than happy to honor your requests.

In all cases, be polite, thoughtful, and appreciative, and don’t forget to smile. People really do want to help as long as they are approached with courtesy and an understanding of their limitations depending on the situation. If they make an effort to accommodate you, be sure to thank them sincerely. With friends, send a follow-up thank-you note after the meal, letting them know how much you enjoyed it and how much their flexibility meant to you. If you’re at a fancy restaurant, show your appreciation with your tip.

Want more of Kimberly? Check out her blog and be sure to read her article about Starbucks’ new Skinny Latte in which she quoted me! J

If there’s one thing I’m learning from reading other health and fitness blogs, it’s that we all have bad days… or bad spells (which can be a few days or a month). I know this intellectually, but sometimes I still feel like I’m the only one who can’t seem to stick to the goals I’ve set for myself.

My frustration with myself was a hot topic last night at dinner with a girlfriend. While we got caught up over miso soup and sushi, I shared that I was frequently disappointed by my inability to achieve my new, lower daily calorie limit.

At least I know that I’m not alone in struggling to stay on course. A recent post by Eat to Live relates that she’s faced some challenges in her effort to go completely vegan.

“I’ve found a couple weaknesses in my trek to full-fledged Veganism. Panera makes really great bagels. I’m very fond of the Cinnamon Crunch one but it’s made with eggs. And I still love the Blueberry Coffee Cake and Banana Nut Loaf from Starbuck’s but they contain eggs, too. I’m not sure how to get past these cravings and/or desires to pick up one of these pastries when ordering my beverages.”

Munchkin Land recently told us, “This has just been a very off week!  In a lot of ways.  And I’ve been so tired.  But I started today with a renewed attitude.  I’m ready to eat healthier again.  I feel so much better when I do.  And now, when I have lapses, they only last a week or so.  Much better than in the past.  I get it this time, I do!”

Munchkin Land makes a great point about the length of her lapses being shorter. I’ve been doing this so long now that a two-pound weight gain no longer terrifies me. I know I’ll be back on track in a day or so.

Maybe the idea is not to achieve absolute perfection in our diet-and-exercise goals but instead to limit the amount of time we’re off the wagon. At least I know that when I do tumble to the ground, I’ve got company for the short time I’m in the dirt! J

Earlier this week, my mum gave into an ice cream craving and wanted to throw out the remainder of the pint she had in the freezer.  But, she didn’t want to waste the money.  She felt she needed to eat the ice cream in order to justify the money she’d spent.

I’ve used this rather circular logic myself on one or two occasions.  The reality is that once the money’s spent, it’s a moot point.  You can’t get that money back by eating the food.  You really can only make the situation worse consuming it.  Now, you’ve not only wasted the money; you’ve unnecessarily added to your calories for the day or eaten a food you’re trying to keep out of your diet. 

So, if you find yourself with food in the house that you know is bad for you, just throw it out.  Don’t give it another thought; toss it.  Your waistline will thank you.  If you want to save money, don’t buy it in the first place.  Then, your bank account will thank you, too.

Montgomery Gentry, a rockin’ country band, has a great song called “She Don’t Tell Me To“.  The song talks about how a man does nice things for his lady - bringing flowers home, going to church, coming home early from a night with the boys - precisely because she doesn’t ask him to do so.  He’s not nagged or coerced into it, so he does it freely and openly because he wants to.

That’s a great analogy for dieting.  We always rebel against what we’re forced to do.  If our parents told us we couldn’t eat something, most likely we’d sneak it in somehow.  I sure did.  My dad was very restrictive with my food, and I would sneak stuff all the time.  (Twinkies were my favorite!)  The situation went beyond food and became a battle of wills… a way for me to establish myself a viable person who had the right to make her own choices.

My mum had a mild weight problem when she was a teenager that grew through her adult life.  Her parents, particularly her dad, would alternately berate her or offer her incentives like money to eat less and exercise more.  Even at a $1 a pound, it never worked.  She fought every step of the way, and in the end, kept gaining weight, becoming progressively more sedentary as an adult.  Her parents’ tough tactics resulted in the exact opposite of the behavior they were seeking.

I’ve learned over the years that the only way a lifestyle change is going to last is if it’s truly what you want to do.  No one can scare, bully, or bribe you into it.  That may work for a time, but you’ll revert to your old ways eventually.  The daily discipline of a diet-and-exercise plan requires an internal commitment that no one can mandate.

So, the old adage is true: if you’re going to do it, do it for you.  That’s the only way it’ll last.

Yet again, the fiscal and physical worlds overlap. Clever Dude’s post “Writing Your Autobiography Through Spending” details how every time you write a check or use your credit card, you are writing your autobiography.

“Recall how you spent your money through the years and you’ll probably be able to match up the stuff you bought with what you were going through in your life at the time.”

I am writing my autobiography through eating and exercise. Every food or workout choice I make is directly related to where I’m at in my life. When I look back through old food journals, I know exactly what was happening at that time.

• If I note that I did 45 minutes on the VersaClimber, I recall that I was living with friends after my divorce and going to the 24 Hour Fitness on Cheyenne, probably feeling somewhat down but trying to stay on track with my lifestyle change.

• If I list Jack in the Box jalapeno poppers, I remember that was I stressed out from the challenges of online dating. 

• If I list grape tomatoes and apples every day, I know it’s a recent entry because I’m in my clean-eating phase, feeling good about myself and my health and trying to take things to the next level.

Think about how you’re writing your autobiography through eating and exercise.

• Do you like the story you’re writing?

• If not, how would you change it?

Spend some time considering that, and you may find that, when you look back next year, you’ll have been eating and doing some unexpected things.

“What if it were easy to get what you think you really want?”

Charlotte’s post on The Great Fitness Experiment continues with:

“What if you were your goal weight or size? Would being a size zero (or whatever) make you any happier than you are now? Would it change who you are?”

The obvious answer seems to be an emphatic “Yes! Of course!”, but it’s not that easy. I’ve been struggling lately with happiness with whom I am and where I’m at now. I have achieved SO much. Losing 114 pounds is transformative, revolutionary, life-altering. And, yet, I’m still me with all my Fat Girl hang-ups and even some hang-ups that have nothing to do with my weight.

For me, the answer to these questions is “yes” and “no”. Yes, I am happier being a fit size 6 than I was as an out-of-shape 22/24. I am confident and relaxed when I meet people because I’m not worried about them judging me on my size or my looks. I’m physically confident, too, which means I’m open to new activities that present themselves. I know what my body can do, and I’m not afraid to try something different. The best part, though, is that the real me - happy, fun, excited to experience life and all its adventures – shines through more readily now.

No, I’m not happier in that I continue to tussle with my self-esteem overall. The sense of being defective merchandise lingers. There are a lot of “yes, but”s – “yes, I’ve lost all this weight, but I still don’t look great naked”… “yes, I have amazing diet-and-exercise discipline, but I’m not eating enough vegetables or doing enough weight training.” Sometimes it feels like it’s never enough, like I will never be able to do enough to make myself okay.

I’ve come to the conclusion that this is just part of the journey. We are not living in a TV show; our problems are not resolved in 60 minutes (or 40 without commercials!). Our roads wind and twist and turn back on themselves before moving us further along to our destinations.

The one thing I know for sure is that I’d rather be walking this road at the size and fitness level I am now. I know I can tackle whatever challenges lie ahead and look pretty good doing it! J