Analysis of a Binge

July 8, 2008 at 2:06 pm Leave a comment

Last night, fatigue and the emotion my trip caught up with me.  Instead of eating a healthy, nutrient-rich dinner, I binged on Kashi, ZBars, beef jerky and reduced-fat shredded cheese while reading the latest book by one of my favorite mystery writers.  Granted, it wasn’t a fat-filled fast-food fest, but it was still pretty bad, especially for me.  Just because most of the stuff I was eating was high quality and ostensibly good for me, the quantities were WAY too great, and the balance of nutrients was completely off. 

Why did it feel better to me to eat like that rather than taking care of myself by warming some of the HEALTHY VISION veggies I love in the microwave and mixing them with fat-free cheese and diced chicken breast?

One reason is that I got too hungry, and it overtook me when I got to the store to pick up bottled water.  I grabbed a 100-calorie pack of beef jerky in the checkout line.  Not a bad way to deal with hunger in the grocery store, actually, until one pack leads to three and the munching continues at home with ZBars.  Why didn’t I stop then and make the veggie meal I love?  It’s fast, but it’s not instantaneous the way ZBars are, and the nosh machine was already revved up.

Note to self: go home and go back out for the water next time.

The other reason, I suspect, was purely emotional.  My trip back home was really intense.  I hadn’t seen my parents in three years.  They had both been through a lot in that time.  My dad had lost the love of his life when she died of a brain tumor, and he’d gone through a rough patch before discovering his new lady.  My mum had spent the better part of a year in the hospital, fighting for her life.  She’s doing very well now, but it’s been an uphill struggle.  Add to that the nervewracking introduction of a new boyfriend to my family, and it’s not surprising that the visit was, to borrow a 60s phrase, “heavy”.

Well, now that I know what caused it, will I avoid doing it again in the future?  Yes… but not every time.  I already avoid bingeing or overeating in response to stress much more than I ever did before.  It’s a process.  I’m getting better and better at it, but I don’t think I’ll ever be perfect.  I don’t think anyone’s ever perfect with these types of things.  If they don’t binge, they do something else.  My goal is to continue to improve but to be kind to myself when I mess up. 

The good news is that today is a new day, and I’m starting fresh.  I’m back in my own space; I’ve rested.  I’m ready to receive what the day has to bring with an open, peaceful mind and a big bowl of carrots & celery.  J


Entry filed under: about me, coping strategies, relationships.

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